Beyond Perfect: How the Pursuit of Perfection is Shaping Our World
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Just Imagine scrolling through your instagram or facebook and seeing endless pics of perfect vacations, perfect selfies, and lots of successful people. The more you scroll, the more algorithm shows you same type of content.
Sounds familiar? t happens to me all the time, and I bet it happens to you, too. What it does is it creates an illusion of a how perfect lifestyle looks like.
It makes us believe that we have to drive certain car, travel to certain places, and earn certain amount of income to have a perfect life, and if we are lacking in anything, then we are not good enough.
Improving yourself is a really great thing, but when hunger to be perfect reaches a level that affects us mentally and emotionally, then the problems arises.
Today’s society is getting lost into what we call perfectionism and idea that everyone else has it figured while you are struggling.
But what if I tell you that’s not the truth, and this obsession with perfection is actually rooted in something much deeper: shame and fear?
This is where two insightful books, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, offer profound insights into how different components such as shame makes us feel that we are not worthy or not lovable unless we we achieve an impossible standard of flawlessness and how we fall into “Trance of Unworthiness,” a state where we believe the our worth depends on achieving an elusive ideal.
This blog post will cover the effects of obsession with perfectionism on society, We'll explore how it affects our mental health, relationships, and most importantly we will uncover the power of embracing our imperfections and finding our true selves. If you're an introvert, struggle with social anxiety, or often feel the pressure of social media to be perfect, then this post is for you.
Roots of perfectionism
In her book author Brené brown states that “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame."
This really resonates because, if I talk about me and most people I know have often felt that being perfect is the key to a happy life or a way to avoid problems.
However, this type of thinking can actually push us into a place where we become terrified of making mistakes. After making a mistake, we might feel terrible about ourselves, as if what we did is not acceptable and negates all the things we've done right. We build up these walls of perfectionism to avoid any danger or judgement.
But the truth is, this shield also prevents us from connecting with our true selves and others on a much deeper level. In trying to be perfect, sometimes we lose our authentic selves and our ability to be vulnerable around others, which is vital for healthy relationships.
Vulnerability allows us to show that we trust others, makes us stronger, and frees us from the fear of judgment. Perfectionism, in its rigid armor, blocks us from experiencing the true joy of belonging. Beyond personal insecurities, societal pressures also play a major role in creating perfectionism.
Furthermore, peer pressure from society plays a significant role in exacerbating perfectionism. Today, most of us live in a culture that constantly tells us to be successful, achieve great things, and have it all figured out by a certain age.
From a young age, we're taught to compete with, compare ourselves to, and base our self-worth on what others think of us. This instills the idea that our worth is dependent on our achievements, further embedding perfectionism and fear of failure within us.
The constant pressure to be perfect from social media and mental health struggles can make these feelings even more intense, especially for those of us who are more introverted or prone to social anxiety.
The Impact on Individuals
perfection can It impact our mental well being, our relationships and creative potentials in many ways:
1) Mental well-being
When we put ourselves in constant pressure of being perfect it can lead to mental exhaustion, which can further lead to exacerbate conditions like depression and anxiety.
In fact, research show a strong relation between perfectionism and social anxiety, as well as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Individuals who have social anxiety may experience heightened anxiety and fear of judgment, using perfectionism as a shield to avoid those uncomfortable feelings.
Similarly, people with OCD may engage in repetitive behaviors and patterns in an attempt to achieve perfection, which can further contribute to or worse the depression.
The constant pursuit of unrealistic standards can create a cycle of anxiety, self-criticism, and low self-esteem, further impacting overall mental well-being.
2) Relationships
When it comes to relationships, we often desire to be the perfect partner. However, trying to be perfect can actually create a significant emotional gap in the relationship.
It can prevent us from being truly close to our partners by creating a void between our true, imperfect selves and a fabricated, perfect selves.
The fear of being imperfect in our relationships can be a very unhealthy barrier, This can turn a relationship into a simple trade, where love and acceptance depend on always appearing perfect. This can also create insecurity in our partners, leading them to believe they are not doing enough or are simply not good enough.
Furthermore, striving for perfection can severely impact intimacy, one of the most beautiful aspects of a relationship. We are all human, and being human means having flaws. Embracing those flaws is part of what makes us unique and allows for deeper connection.
Perfectionism in relationships can also lead to controlling behaviors and an inability to accept flaws in our partners e.g. criticizing a partner for not meeting expectations, needing to control every aspect of their life.
3) Creativity
Perfectionism can crushes once creativity by creating a fear of failure. This fear can lead to avoiding new opportunities, trying new things, and expressing oneself freely.
It can prevent us from stepping outside of our comfort zones and exploring innovative approaches. The constant striving to be perfect can kill curiosity and passion because people become overly focused on avoiding mistakes.
However, history is the biggest proof that the greatest innovations often come after numerous attempts and failures.
4) Introvert
People who are already introverted, socially anxious, and prone to self-doubt, perfectionism can make things worse for them. Because of overthinking and analyzing everything and trying to be someone when they are struggling and trying to follow hard unrealistic standards.
They are susceptible to the "trance of unworthiness" described by Tara Brach in her book Radical Acceptance. This is where individuals start to believe their worth is tied to achieving an impossible ideal, leading to feelings of low self-esteem.
The combination of introversion, social anxiety, and perfectionism can create a difficult cycle, making it even harder to connect with others and build meaningful relationships.
Finding a Balance: Embracing Imperfection
One of the most important steps in finding balance is cultivating vulnerability and authenticity. As Brené Brown states, "Vulnerability is not weakness, it's our greatest measure of courage." By allowing ourselves to be seen, we open the door to genuine human connection and self-acceptance.
Authenticity on the other hand means embracing our true selves and living by our values. It means letting go of the need to please others or meet external expectations in a healthy way.
Embracing our imperfections and authenticity frees us from the pressure to be perfect and creates a space for personal growth and deeper connections. E.g wearing your the clothes you like without the pressure to follow the Trend, expressing your emotions when need to.
1) Self compassion and acceptance
Self-compassion and self-acceptance are crucial for forming a healthy relationship with ourselves. Instead of constantly criticizing and judging ourselves, we should try to treat ourselves with the same compassion and kindness that we would extend to our friends or loved ones.
Imperfections are what make us human, they are the beautiful part of human. We are not robots designed to be perfect—even robots make mistakes. Sometimes things we see as our flaws are often desired by someone else. So, we should always remind ourselves that we are just human beings, and it’s not uncommon to have flaws.
To develop self-compassion, we can use practical strategies such as practicing mindfulness, engaging in positive self-talk e.g., "I am good enough, just as I am,” or "I forgive myself for this mistake,” and setting healthy boundaries.
2) Comparison
The adage "comparison is the thief of joy" fits perfectly in our pursuit of perfection. From a young age, many of us are taught to measure our worth against others, whether intentionally or not.
In school, our grades are compared to our peers or siblings. In college, the car we drive or don't drive determines that if we are cool or not.
As adults, our income or job titles are often measured against those around us. Society is obsessed with comparison. But what if we paused, reclaimed our power, and stopped measuring ourselves against the standards of others?
What if we redefined our own version of success instead of chasing a societal ideal of perfectionism? Perhaps then, we would find ourselves living much more peaceful lives, breaking free from social comparison and constant pressure to fulfill it.
Breaking free from this cycle of comparison requires a fundamental shift in how we define success.
3) Redefining success
Finally, let's consider what success truly means. What does it mean to you? For some, success might be defined by building lots of wealth, while for others, it might be about having a family or pursuing their passion.
It could involve making a positive impact on the world or simply finding happiness in small moments. The point is, success is a deeply personal concept.
In today’s digital age, we can see Internet is flooded with content that often define a narrow definition of success, typically one that emphasizes material possessions, status, and recognition to be the Mr or Mrs Perfect.
However, this may be not resonate with everyone, and constantly chasing it can lead to feeling of being not good enough. When we take the time to redefine success for ourselves, we shift our focus from seeking external validation to what truly matters and internal satisfaction and it allows us to break free from perfectionism.
Conclusion
So throughout this post we have explored that perfectionism can be really bad when it goes beyond the limit. Getting better every day or trying to be better this is a really good thing but the obsession getting perfect at everything can lead to anxiety, depression, and a really bad relationships specially with people who are not really social have social anxiety, mental health issues.
The pressure of perfectionism can increase the weight of expectations which can make the situation worse.However, by embracing our imperfections, practicing self-compassion, and setting realistic expectations, we can let go of perfectionism and live a happier, more satisfying life.
Let's challenge the societal pressure that fuel the myth of perfection. let's celebrate our imperfections and recognize them as integral parts of our human existence and as our strength.
As Brené Brown wisely states, "Imperfection is not inadequacy; it is authenticity." Let's embrace our true selves, flaws and all, and discover the beauty and resilience that lie within. By doing so, we can move from a place of anxious striving to a place of genuine self-acceptance and belonging.
I challenge you to take one small step today towards embracing your imperfections.
References
Wang, Y., Chen, J., Zhang, X., Lin, X., Sun, Y., Wang, N., Wang, J., & Luo, F. (2022). The Relationship between Perfectionism and Social Anxiety: A Moderated Mediation Model. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(19), 12934. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph191912934.